enblightened | ☣️ ic inbox;

[ a duck has arrived! ]

Hiii Mr. Bigby! I got some snacks and a new ballet to listen to! Are you there?

[Normally, he is overjoyed to have Ahiru visit him at his humble encampment. She is a sweet friend, and he adores her so.

But it is today that he kneels at the fire, his hands shaking, trying to tighten his chains, sweat on his brow and a frantic look in his eyes. The bags under them are darker, easier to take notice of.

When he hears her approach, Bigby flinches.]

Ahiru--

[He squeezes his eyes shut.]

Forgive me, but... you ought to leave.

[ huh? that doesn't sound like him. is it because she brought the wrong snacks? or he's sick of ballet?

either way, she doesn't leave. ]

Uhm, is something wrong . . . ?

[He shivers. Something wrong -- she couldn't know, why would she know? With a pained groan, a pair of horns grow out of his head.]

I have done... many a terrible thing, these past few days. Please, do not endanger yourself by being here.

Mr. Bigby . . .

[ that sounds really sad. she shuffles her feet outside for a minute. ]

Do you want to be alone? I can sit outside and wait until you feel better.

[Honestly, no, he loathes to be alone, but for her sake she shouldn't be here.]

...Go home, Ahiru. You are not safe with the likes of me.

[ definitely not a no. with her mind made up, she sits in front of the door, back pressed against it. ]

Of course I'm safe here. I'm always safe with you.

[A soft, sad laugh escapes him.]

That cannot be possible.

The people I harmed -- I never thought I would attack them either. How can you be safe with me?

Because I'd always forgive you.

Mr. Bigby, whatever you did, you didn't mean to and you're sorry for it. Right?

...Always, you say.

[Oh, it is enough to make him want to weep. Her heart is sweet. Bigby buries his face into his hands.]

Of course. Yet, apologies could not make amends for the wrongs I have done. How could it be that simple?

[ of course it's simple. to her, at least. she would always forgive rue because she knows rue is still there. rue always existed. it didn't matter how cruel she was as kraehe. it didn't make her memories with rue less real.

it's the same here. ]

Because you have people here who will forgive you. And help you. It's not a wrong, it's a . . . mistake. And everyone should be given a chance to fix their mistakes. Even if you can't make the pain go away, you can still help.

I have nothing I can do to help anyone. I can... only bring destruction now. And that is what I brought with me.

I will spare you the details, but know that I have most certainly did a great deal of harm. I would not begrudge them for lack of forgiveness.

[ rue, mytho . . . mr. bigby. they all seem to have something in them that hurts and hurts others in turn. how could ahiru blame them for any of it? ]

Did you say you're sorry?

I-- no. How could I even be able to face them for what I have done?

Mr. Bigby . . . you have to. You have to face them and say you're sorry.

I am not worthy of them. Any of them.

[ how to explain this? it's not about worth, not really. worth varies. she is a duck. he is who he is. are they only worth the shape they take on? ]

. . . If you think they have worth, then don't they deserve that?

...I. Hm.

[Well, when it's broken down like that, it's a bit hard to refute.]

I... suppose that is true.

It's better to face it than to let it go unspoken.

[ even if it's awful. and hard. like facing up to mytho's fear of her. like rue's changes. fakir's menacing ways.

it needed to be faced for things to change.

even if the one thing she wished to say . . . ]

[There is silence for a moment, then Bigby finally turns to face the door. His horns are still out, his fingers ending in claws, struggling to fight against his transformation.

But he is better, just a bit.]

...So it is.

Even if I am unforgiven, if nothing else... they deserve what I can give. You are right.

Mmm.

Are you . . . feeling a bit better?

A bit. As much as I can be in this moment.

...Thank you for speaking sense into me.

[It doesn't quell his fears, his need to isolate, but if nothing else he will try to reach out to the people he has harmed. That is not something he can avoid, after all.]

It's okay, Mr. Bigby. I guess I have a little experience in this.

The person I . . . care about. His heart was dipped in raven's blood. He's corrupted and sometimes that means he does mean things. Terrible things.

But I won't give up on him. I know he's still there. So I think it's important to forgive and help for the people you care about.

I see.

...There have been times in which my comrades would say or do things under the worst of situations. But grudges were rarely ever held for these occasions; we knew how badly we could become afflicted by the horrors we'd face. It isn't quite the same, but I understand what you are saying.

While I expect no forgiveness, I will take responsibility for what has happened. Even if there is little else I can do but attempt to make amends.

It's all we can do to keep moving forward.

☣️ ic inbox;

( visiting . . . )

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject